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You're probably wondering how we got from a friendship to courting, or better known by some as "dating". On January 6, 2002 Alex was preparing to drive back to the L.A. area after a Sunday lunch with family and friends. This was no exception from our habit of talking for hours at a time over the past 4 years. For some reason on this particular day it was extremely difficult for both of us to part company. We talked about many things and then Alex began to ask me a series of questions. I thought these questions were quite strange as I began to answer them one by one, and then I finally ask him why he was asking me such questions. It took him a little while to figure out his wording and then he told me of the interest he had in me. When Carmen asked me why I was asking these questions, I first gave her two reasons, which were partial answers to her questions but had nothing to do with the fact that I had feelings for her. I was just giving her an excuse while stalling at the same time. As I was stalling I was asking God silently whether I should tell her about my feelings for her. I then felt like I should tell her, so I did. I was quite pleased but also very surprised to hear that she had thought about the possibility of us courting too. My first thought was, "Wow, it takes a lot of boldness, courage and strength of character for him to expose his feeling to me like that." I also had developed feelings for him but wanted to keep them suppressed until we both knew that having a courtship relationship was the direction that God was leading for the both of us. Alex felt strongly that as the God-appointed leader of our relationship it was his duty to seek God first before continuing any further in a discussion of the two of us courting. I gladly accepted, respected, and admired his decision to first get his counsel from God. We decided to remain friends and try to keep our feelings for each other at a reasonable level, as much as we could, while we were seeking God's direction in this relationship. I, as well as Carmen, wanted to make sure that this was heading towards marriage before even courting or dating because neither one of us wanted to waste our time and energy by investing ourselves in a relationship that was going to end in heartbreak. After doing lots of praying about it for one to two months after we talked it eventually became clear to me that God wanted us to get married. I'm a firm believer that God answers prayers specifically. I can remember on different occasions in the past praying that if marriage was in God's plan for my life that He would make it clear to me. One of the prayers of my heart was that God would send me a man who would seek His (God's) will above me. I know that the heart of a woman is very fragile, so I prayed long, long ago that all of my male friends (except my husband to be) would pursue only a friendship with me. Next, I prayed that God would confirm to me the man of His choice by having that man (my husband to be) boldly proclaim his interest to me and be led by God to pursue a relationship with me. It always excites me to hear how God has blessed so many couples in the different ways they have met and joined in marriage. I have known for a long time that God would need to send me a man that exhibited some degrees of boldness, confidence, and persistence. He would need these qualities of boldness and confidence to proclaim his desire to move from a friendship to a courtship and then to be screened by my whole family. He would need persistence in order to tear down the years of many walls that I had built around me in order to protect myself from being led astray by someone other than God's choice of a life partner for me. I knew that if there was a lack in any one of these qualities then he would not be the right man for me. Well, I'm excited to report that God not only answered my specific request, He also went exceedingly above and beyond what I could even ask or imagine in giving me the gift of Alex. I would be writing all day and night for weeks if I wrote the many ways God has blessed me with him. We have been blessed to have faced many trials together and those trials have served to strengthen our relationship with each other and with God. God definitely has worked all things together for our good. I'm sure we will be blessed to face more trials in our life together only for God to build our character individually, our relationship together and for Him to get the glory in our lives. I must also say that God has given me more in a future spouse than I ever could have asked for or imagined. Carmen complements me in every way, and it seems that we have the perfect mix of similarities and differences. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect match. So far (and undoubtedly in the future) we have been able to challenge each other to cause each other to grow, as well as strengthen each other through the trials that we've gone through and we're both very grateful for them. In March 2002 Carmen and I visited her parents in Oklahoma. Two of the reasons for the visit were for me to get to know the family better and vice versa, and to ask her parents' permission for me to start courting her. Although I looked forward to the visit, I was also quite nervous about the part of asking her parents for permission, but looking back it was a good experience—her parents are very nice. We talked about our relationship, the possibility of us getting married, and our plan of getting pre-engagement counseling. When all was said and done they ended up giving me permission to court her! Then came a summer of pre-engagement counseling with one of the pastors from our church. Our church requires all couples to go through this valuable time of counseling. It served to ensure us that we were compatible and well prepared to begin our life together. It also gave us helpful tools in preserving our marriage through times of trials. This was a very rewarding experience that I recommend all couples who are considering marriage go through. Our pastor confirmed that we were hearing correctly from God regarding our plans for marriage when he said that if we had the marriage license, he'd marry us the next day. We were ready to move on as we felt God calling us to get married in the summer of 2003... |